I drown myself in the words that others have written-
I let every sentence and syllable paint its picture.
I let the world that doesn't exist run through my mind like a movie,
Learning the characters,
Rooting for them,
Hoping it ends well for them.
Accepting every truth that the authors hide in their false worlds.

My heart was already broken-
Shattered to pieces.
It's been sewn back together with the finest thread,
Unable to break again.
All that will happen is the thread comes undone
Letting the broken pieces cascade down to their dormant seats.
My heart was already broken
Which means, you cannot break me
Only untangle me.

The pain subsided.
The memories no longer invade like an unwavering assault on the mind.
The taste of your name is no longer sweet in my mouth,
But rather something foul that should not be spoken.
Hind sight was gained.
It made me see all the things that I had missed,
All the warning signs suggesting danger ahead,
All this pain could've been avoided if I paid closer attention,
If only I had read your actions over the words you spewed,
I could have started my life with my future wife sooner-
But, it had to happen like that.
It had to happen the way it did,
She and I weren't ready then,
She and I watched, learned, and grew together like and undeniable force-
All the while I still tried to make this work with you,
You are what had to destroy me to bring her to me.
The pain finally subsided-
The destruction caused was meant to happen,
So she and I could pave a path,
A path that has so much promise for a life of happiness.

Home-
Home is where you go to at the end of a long day.
Home is where you feel the safest.
Home is where you're free to share and express who you really are on the inside.
Home is where you find your sanity in this crazy world.
Home is where you bare your soul.
My home is not a house.
My house is just a shelter.
My home is a person.
A person that when I look at her, I feel like I'm home and that person is specifically for me.
A person who makes me feel so calm, happy and loved on a daily basis.
My home is in your arms.
My home is in your heart.
It is you-
You are my home.

Promises, promises-
We all make them.
We all mean them.
We all break them.

You

As I lay here in bed I'm thinking of all the wonderful things.
I'm thinking about the love and laughter,
The affection and conversations,
All of the glances and stolen kisses.
The warmth of your touch,
The smile you share everytime our eyes meet.
The promise of tomorrow and everyday there after.
As I lay here in bed I'm thinking of how I have no worries
The pure contentment felt that is undeniably exquisite
All the time spent together is not time wasted
It is time spent by lovers, two friends yearning for endless days and endless nights
As I lay here in bed I'm thinking of all the wonderful things
The wonderful spirit that is you.

Painted Walls

You painted the walls with such beauty and care
Everyone would stop and stare in awe.
It's the kind of beauty that makes you want to step closer and take a finer look-
Then something strange happens.
What happened-
You see the imperfections and admire the painted walls
You notice something else-
The imperfections from before are darker, seeping through the mirage before you.
You start to scrap the layers
What you find is almost menacing.
It's an image of bitterness, cruelty and spite.
Oh, how you painted the walls with such beauty and care
Making one mistake,
You needed another coat to cover what you wanted buried inside.

There are days I have no words.
Moments where my loud effervescent mind is still.
It runs into a wall of glue-
Stuck-
No thoughts or words.
Just stillness.
Processing-
In the mind surrounded by words-
So many words
It comes to a halt.
It feels like no words exist or have ever existed-
Forgetting how to form a sentence.
Forgetting how to speak.

It's deafening-
The silence.
It's like being in a large field,
With nothing but empty land in all directions.
I shout out to you
But it's unheard.
I try to move forward and catch up to you,
But I'm tangled in the weeds and I fall far behind.
I shout out again and again.
"Wait! Wait! I love you!"
Still, you move forward
While I remain tangled in the weeds
Yearning to be heard.
Wanting for you to come back.
I'm left alone in a tangled nightmare-
Trying not to strangle myself in the tightly wrapped
All consuming vines.

You want me to write something short and sweet?
I wouldn't know where to begin.
I'm a waterfall of words

I lived everyday an empty shell.
A shell that was perfectly content,
Never realizing the hollowness inside.
It wasn't until you entered my life,
I finally felt what it was to be whole,
To be filled with life, joy, true happiness.
The veil had been lifted.
Everything felt right as it was meant to
My home was in your arms
So what happens when the inevitable happens?
How do I face the emptiness of you?

The walls are tumbling fast,
Shaking and crumbling all around-
Run, run, run
Try to beat the waves of debris

Words are deep
They cut like knives
You try and try and try
Stop trying so hard.
It's too much trying,
You'll push her away-
Take a step back
And let her say hey.
The words are good,
They come from a great place
Just hold on a second to stay at the same pace.
Bow your head,
Crack a smile,
Just wait a moment,
And say a bit of grace.