Because of you

I think of the times we would sit by the beach and talk.
I think of the times we would hold one another close.
The shared passion and endless smiles. The joy and love that felt like home. You were a person I never thought I'd find. You were the love of my life and I was done. I was done searching, I was so happy, so content. I felt like the luckiest girl to have the best love of all. But it was all a mirage, a dark twisted lie. You gave your love away like lollipops. You treated my love like  a replaceable battery. I miss you, admittedly and I don't know why. I still can't believe how deeply you've wounded me. How deeply your betrayal has affected me. Because of you I'm afraid to let anyone in. Because of you, I'm afraid to share my thoughts and feelings. Because of you, I no longer trust myself.

You taste like peace with a hint of devastation.
You sound like innocence on top of your cruelty.
The kindness is a façade while the devil dwells within-
Roaming your halls like an old friend who feels welcomed.
Tearing down whatever walls of goodness are left,
Ensuring your body and soul are encased in a hell of its own.
A hell where destruction is all you know, while you smile radiantly,
Speak with your silk tongue and soothing voice,
Until it's too late to finally meet the devil behind the mask.

I need to stop being a bleeding heart-
A bleeding heart has never saved anyone-
..Only killed them.

Numbness is meant to mask everything
I wear mine as a shield.
I conquer my numbness with a smile,
With every slap to the face
I just stand up and smirk at the monsters in their face.
They try to break me,
Every monstrous thought-
Pulls painful breaths from me,
I shake my head and redirect my brain.
Still-
They linger on,
Taunting,
Twirling,
Trying to shatter me.
Finding painful tears,
I swallow those and force a smile.
What these monsters haven't learned is,
I've been hollowed out-
There's nothing left to break,
All the light left in my heart has been obliterated,
Turned to dust.
I've become numb and I rule the darkness.
So, I say to these monsters,
Bring it on,
Try to find something to break,
You're going to lose.