I have seen the Devil's face

I have seen the devil's face-
The gateway to the soul drenched in darkness-
All black-
Blacker than the soul that was there just before.
A darkness that grew larger and larger in its outward rage.
A hungry beast baring its teeth in its endeavor to quiver your very being-
Your soul
Your essence.
Ah, yes, I have seen the devil's face.
It stood before me telling me tales of becoming a satanist-
An atheist hell bent to tell thee God doesn't exist-
For where is the proof?
A soul drenched in darkness for all they have known is darkness.
An innocent soul that was violated and replaced with something much graver-
Much darker.
I have seen the devil's face.
Glimpses of an empty vessel-
No sign of any chance of a fullfilling life.
- Christina DeFelice 

Glue Trap

A small mouse caught in the glue trap
Writhing to wiggle free
Squeaking for help
A gut wrenching yearning to set him free
Yet, I'm pulled away
Told, it's too late
The writhing and squeaking stuck in my mind
Small little mouse, stuck in a glue trap
Letting the terror of what's to come sink in.
People walking by,
No heart to free you.
Stuck in glue-
Awaiting a cruel, inhumane death. 

Pre-Op Thoughts

Hello, a quick note from me before the lines I intend to share. I tend to post my poems in chunks at a time- the reason being is I tend to write them and compile them through a series of weeks or months then just unload them here when I have the free time. Months of processing what goes on or how I am getting the unnerving thoughts out are the results here. Hope it resonates with you all! Happy Reading!



The phone rang,
I was falling asleep,
Quiet, comfortable in my dark room.
But the phone rang-
My body jerked up and snatched the phone in less than a second.
855... Missed call.
I hoped it was you.
God, how I hoped it was you
My heart pounding,
Mind racing,
Laying there, trying to become comfortable once again.

Midnight Thoughts

Every time the phone rings with a number I don't know, I hope it's you.
With every voicemail I receive, I listen intently for your voice.
I keep wishing, hoping and praying for that call or voicemail from you telling me you miss me and you're trying to get home to me.
But that's all it is-
Wishing,
Hoping,
And praying.

Lies I tell myself pt. 4

I realized something today.
I'm holding onto you when you have given me nothing.
I'm trying to convey to another hurt woman how communication should be cherished.
That I don't understand how people can be so unhappy with what they've got because I had a girlfriend who left to another state and I have radio silence.
In trying to express how any amount of communication should be cherished, I felt embarrassed and ashamed.
In that moment, I let you go-
Because you've already let me go.

Lies I tell myself pt. 3

Thank you,
Thank you for constantly leaving,
Thank you for never keeping your word.
Thank you for showing me the monster you can become.
Thank you for forcing me into a place of pure uncomfortability.
Thank you for wasting my time.
And lastly,
Thank you for forcing me to move on and grow up.

She grabs her face, leans in and kisses her. She pulls away softly to whisper. "You are the light of my life."

What I Mean Is

When I say I love you,
I mean, I love who you are.
The person who smiles so bright,
The person who cares so much,
The person who is so troubled yet so beautiful.
When I say I'm in love with you,
I'm saying all your mistakes, bad days and sleepless nights of our silence is forgiven.
I'm saying above all, none of that will matter because all that matters is you and I.
When I say I'm in love with you,
I'm saying, I'm not just here for the good parts
I'm here for the bad and I'm here to stay.

Lies I tell myself pt. 2

My heart no longer breaks.
The pain is becoming so regular that I don't even notice how it aches.
An ache that feels as though my heart is swelling with joy and is being squished and drained of all elated emotion.
My heart no longer breaks because you have obliterated everything that was left.
The pieces that remain still love you.
They will always hold you dear.
But you, you broke my trust along with any and all hope for the future we planned.
Unless, you're willing to fight and finally choose me, this cannot be saved.
My heart no longer breaks,
Because you have broken everything decent that was left of me.

Lies I tell myself pt. 1

All the while I curse the Gods for bestowing heartache.
All the while I wonder why they have led me back to my dream.
All the while I effortlessly give my love and trust away
Taking too long to realize-
They have bestowed a gift upon me.
A gift I've long prayed for.
They have not given you to me for us to rebuild.
They have given me clarity I once sought after.
They have given me a chance to see that although I love with everything I am, that you in fact are not the future in which I embark on.
They have given me closure.

The truth I hold inside

If all I have is the memory of you then I'm not sure I want it.
I can still feel the excitement of you walking into the kitchen and grabbing my face to kiss me.
Nothing extraordinary about that moment other than a moment of pure undiluted love.
I can still feel the butterflies I get every time you looked at me in that way that you do and how your voice sounds when you tell me you love me.
I can still feel the abrupt nervousness I would get when you spoke about marriage and children.
Oh, how I wanted that life.
I can still see that adorable look you gave me when you hurt your arm and I was taking care of you.
I can feel the absence of you like I'm missing a limb.
I can feel the pain of missing you in every molecule of my being.
You're forever etched into my brain that no amount of shaking will erase.
If all I have is the memory of the grandest love and the grandest loss, then what was it all for?
Am I sorely mistaken on what's transpired?
If so, please come correct me because...
If all I have is the memory of you then I'm not sure I want it.

Suspense Novel Preface

Recently, I've been writing my suspense novel more and more. It's been quite exciting. Here's how I chose to start off my story! I'm very much in love with the preface. I actually love writing them the most; I love throwing everyone right into the action and keeping it vague! =) Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Preface

“NOOO!” She shrieked as she shoved him off her. He stumbled backwards and knocked himself into a table. The lamp fell shattering.  Her face soaked with tears. She ran through the dimly lit halls. She shrieked out again in pain, glass lodged in her foot. She stopped briefly, panting, and pulled the shard of glass out of her foot and continued forward leaving a trail of blood behind her.

Behind her, he stumbled up to his feet and ran after her. She pushed through her pain and ran forward to the door. She turned the knob, jiggled it, it wouldn’t budge. “NOO!” Her shaky hands undid the locks as he plummeted for her. She was able to kick her foot backwards, hitting him in his appendage dropping him to the ground.

It was like a dream, she opened the door and there before her, a rush of freezing air and the ground cascaded with mounds of snow. How long had she been here? She put one foot in front of the other and ran hard, she ran fast. He ran after her, he ran harder, he ran faster. He threw his arms around her, tightly. “HELP!” A foreboding shriek ripped through her like an electrifying volt. Her screams echoed through the cold air. The cold wintery night held her screams like a well-kept secret. The dimly lit house erupted in the night. He dragged her back into the house, slamming the door shut as her screams bellowed into the cold, rural, darkness.

Even still, I wait.
Hoping to hear your voice in every voicemail,
Knowing it won't come.
Even still, I wait.